Cinematic heart warming

"He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18

We've been walking this road for 8 months now. It seems like this all began yesterday, but it's felt like an eternity. To be honest, we're both dreading the fact that there is 9 more months of this. Everyone says it's just a phase. The reality is that, chemo or not, Ryan's long term symptoms aren't likely to change or be relieved in some drastic way. The chemo related symptoms are temporary. But the hole in his head is bigger than the first time. He's had a second and equally massive head trauma from surgery. The remainder of the tumor is in a more dangerous and lethal location. And his personality will continues to change. No medication can change any of these realities. The only thing medication can aid in is the retardation of the tumor. That tumor will always be there, unless God miraculously takes this all away.

Our only hope of daily survival and heart preservation lies in Christ. Even so, there are moments of incredible darkness. Have you ever felt emotional pain become physiological? I have. Living every moment of every day in full reliance on God to get us through is excruciating. This kind of surrender in life is good, but sometimes we're unable to bear the simplest difficulties of life. Walking death with a dearly loved one depicts how much control is an illusion. We are crushed under this weight. 

BUT we can both still point to the good that God has done. Despite Ryan's exhaustion and mental fogginess, God has brought about deep conversations between the two of us. Conversations that I'm convinced would not have occurred minus the Lord's presence in our lives. Nothing is going unsaid between us. The precious words exchanged between us are something I will always cherish moving forward. One good conversation seems small, but I believe this is God's healing hand on us. If this is all we get, we're incredibly grateful. Holding on to the good...maybe by a finger, but still holding on.

"No evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." Psalm 91:10-11