Grace that transcends
I'm probably one of the few out there that actually enjoys airplane rides for travel every so often, but only when I have some bank to break of course. I admit I get a little bit giddy when I get my requested window seat by the wing of the plane. It makes riding inside a stale, noisy, pressurized tube a bit more pleasurable.
That midair view never ceases to strike me with childlike awe. Tilting, lifting, and watching everything below me shrink. The hustle and bustle of mundane life below eventually disappears and, despite traveling hundreds of miles per hour, everything inside me decelerates. "I'm so small up here floating in His creation! I'm so small down there in my day to day living. What a big God I have! All this beauty, yet all He wants is my heart."
The highlight is the ascent; breaking through the fog of the clouds into endless blue. Up there, there is no place the sun doesn't touch. There is no barrier to what my eyes can see. It's perfectly clear.
But though the plane goes up, it must come down. Back into the battlefield of every thing else. I hate to leave that view, that quiet. It's like leaving home.
Do you find yourself longing for God's kingdom on earth? I do. All the time. I thirst for those heavenly glimpses of all that waits for us at the throne. Those gifts of His heart towards me are what keeps me afloat. I'm reminded of what is constant and worth clinging to. My heart cries for home, for the Savior's embrace.
This journey has not been without hope. As I look back over the last two years, not one low point has been without a gift from the Lord to help us lean one step deeper into this path. Each peak we summit we come even further to the end of ourselves and we're given a glimpse of His plan. There is beautiful clarity just above those storm clouds every time.
Then on to a new mountain. A different struggle. A new lesson. A journey deeper into His presence.
We've entered a point in this climb that is so incredibly hard to share. All I can say is that I married a good man and I love and miss him deeply. I will always stand by this truth. But Ryan's judgement is becoming more severely impaired, and his ability to make the changes necessary to make this situation a livable one is equally impaired. We've gone "back to the drawing board" so many times it's stifling. We're trying to make a plan, but our energy is gone. The repeated heart break is bringing me, Ryan, and our sons to the end of our ropes. Our hearts are in pieces and, I can truly say, we are more weary than ever before.
Please pray for those clarity moments, to help us catch our breath. Please pray for tender and practical nudges in the direction He wants us to go. Walking in the dark has never felt more real.
A health update:
Ryan's doctor wants to see him a month early after hearing my concerns about symptoms he's having. He will have an MRI and we will meet with her afterwards. We're not really expecting to see any changes, but we will be having a pretty frank conversation with his doctor about our desires moving forward, and how we hope to communicate and spend our time in future appointments. Please pray that our time with the doctor ends with all of us on the same page.
That midair view never ceases to strike me with childlike awe. Tilting, lifting, and watching everything below me shrink. The hustle and bustle of mundane life below eventually disappears and, despite traveling hundreds of miles per hour, everything inside me decelerates. "I'm so small up here floating in His creation! I'm so small down there in my day to day living. What a big God I have! All this beauty, yet all He wants is my heart."
The highlight is the ascent; breaking through the fog of the clouds into endless blue. Up there, there is no place the sun doesn't touch. There is no barrier to what my eyes can see. It's perfectly clear.
But though the plane goes up, it must come down. Back into the battlefield of every thing else. I hate to leave that view, that quiet. It's like leaving home.
"Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the Kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and give strength to all."
1 Chronicles 29:11-12
Do you find yourself longing for God's kingdom on earth? I do. All the time. I thirst for those heavenly glimpses of all that waits for us at the throne. Those gifts of His heart towards me are what keeps me afloat. I'm reminded of what is constant and worth clinging to. My heart cries for home, for the Savior's embrace.
This journey has not been without hope. As I look back over the last two years, not one low point has been without a gift from the Lord to help us lean one step deeper into this path. Each peak we summit we come even further to the end of ourselves and we're given a glimpse of His plan. There is beautiful clarity just above those storm clouds every time.
Then on to a new mountain. A different struggle. A new lesson. A journey deeper into His presence.
We've entered a point in this climb that is so incredibly hard to share. All I can say is that I married a good man and I love and miss him deeply. I will always stand by this truth. But Ryan's judgement is becoming more severely impaired, and his ability to make the changes necessary to make this situation a livable one is equally impaired. We've gone "back to the drawing board" so many times it's stifling. We're trying to make a plan, but our energy is gone. The repeated heart break is bringing me, Ryan, and our sons to the end of our ropes. Our hearts are in pieces and, I can truly say, we are more weary than ever before.
Please pray for those clarity moments, to help us catch our breath. Please pray for tender and practical nudges in the direction He wants us to go. Walking in the dark has never felt more real.
A health update:
Ryan's doctor wants to see him a month early after hearing my concerns about symptoms he's having. He will have an MRI and we will meet with her afterwards. We're not really expecting to see any changes, but we will be having a pretty frank conversation with his doctor about our desires moving forward, and how we hope to communicate and spend our time in future appointments. Please pray that our time with the doctor ends with all of us on the same page.
Photo Credit: Ashlee Crowden Photography
Copyright 2015 ->Renee Sunberg
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