The Anointing
I'm sure every other mother on the planet knows what I mean when I say that I've never been so frustrated with my children to the point where pulling out my hair seemed like the mild thing to do. Today was one of those days where the boys pushed every single one of my buttons. In this case, I wish they had pushed the auto eject button! On the inside waiting to burst, I felt like the Beast yelling at Belle after she meandered her way into the west wing. The unforgettable "GEEET OOOUT!!!" that sends shivers down your spine. Yes, I just used a Disney analogy.
I should let you know that I have climbers and we currently live in an apartment. Not a good combination. Whatever they can't explore down on the floor, they simply move up. Pictures on the wall aren't safe. Papers on counters will be chewed up and spit out. Light switches will be used for twin Morse code. Blind cords will be swung from. Unlocked drawers will be used as stairs. Lamps will no longer have shades. Lever door handles will no longer protect what is behind the door. You name it, they're WAY ahead of you.
Today was a never ending game of finding ways to keep them off the furniture so they didn't destroy the lamps on my end tables. I fatally attempted distracting them and they saw right through every attempt to divert their attention. Intelligence has never been so frightening and apparently the word "no" is hysterically funny. It's like they knew I was out numbered. If I put them on the floor, they were angry with me and each other. And let me tell you, twin baby brawls can get pretty nasty. There was just no winning today.
It was dinner time, and for once peace had momentarily entered my home. The boys were playing with each other. There were my angel children! I figured I would immediately take advantage of this opportunity to clean off the kitchen table for dinner. I consoled myself, "Just one more hour until bed time, Renee. Just one more hour." Moments after that thought, I heard a crash in the kitchen behind me. I cringed and waited for the screaming but, instead, there was gut busting laughter. I turned around and the boys were playing full body slip n' slide in a gallon and a half of vegetable oil that they had knocked down in the process of climbing the pantry shelves. They hadn't been this happy all day so I decided to let them enjoy this one-time endeavor for a moment while my brain tried to catch up with the endless oil overflowing into all areas of my kitchen and laundry room.
There was major clean up duty ahead of me but, first thing was first, I had to get the boys out of the kitchen. This was an incredibly dangerous task. I was hoping to get lucky and not have to step in the oil to reach the boys. But, of course, as soon as I reached or gestured for the boys to come to me, they would either slip and nearly fall themselves or playfully roll away. This was my first time wrestling in oil, but I was determined to get them into the bath! I managed to wrangle 45+lbs of babies just as slippery as the floor without any of us ending up in the ER.
The boys were clean after three rounds of shampoo and body wash. I decided to confine them to the hallway while I started mopping up the oil. I got all of the oil wiped up from under my dryer and went back to the hallway to check on the boys. It was too quiet. Sure enough, Liam was standing on my office chair while culprit #2, Jeremiah, was at the bottom spinning the chair in circles. My anger and frustration turned into hopeless hysteria as I watched Liam climb onto my printer and disassemble it, while Jeremiah opened my unlocked filing cabinet, pulling out every single folder, throwing the contents inside up in the air. As I watched the paper rain to the floor, tears streamed down my face. My house and everything in it was being destroyed.
It was at this moment that Ryan walked in on this chaos. All I did was point at them. Ryan knew what that meant, he didn't even ask. It was their bed time and I didn't want to see them for the rest of the night. Smart man!
Two hours, two rolls of paper towels, and a gallon of soapy water later we got the kitchen floor cleaned and scrubbed. On the bright side, my kitchen floor hasn't been this spotless in months. I didn't tell Ryan specifics about what happened today although, I'm sure it was quite obvious. We silently straightened any mess we came across the rest of the evening. Stories of this magnitude just aren't funny until at least 48 hours later.
The thing that amuses me the most about today's turn of events is that I was replaying the conversation Ryan and I had two nights ago about the possibility of wanting another child. We concluded that conversation undecided. God sure has a sense of humor. All I have left to say is days like this are the most effective form of birth control.
Today was a never ending game of finding ways to keep them off the furniture so they didn't destroy the lamps on my end tables. I fatally attempted distracting them and they saw right through every attempt to divert their attention. Intelligence has never been so frightening and apparently the word "no" is hysterically funny. It's like they knew I was out numbered. If I put them on the floor, they were angry with me and each other. And let me tell you, twin baby brawls can get pretty nasty. There was just no winning today.
It was dinner time, and for once peace had momentarily entered my home. The boys were playing with each other. There were my angel children! I figured I would immediately take advantage of this opportunity to clean off the kitchen table for dinner. I consoled myself, "Just one more hour until bed time, Renee. Just one more hour." Moments after that thought, I heard a crash in the kitchen behind me. I cringed and waited for the screaming but, instead, there was gut busting laughter. I turned around and the boys were playing full body slip n' slide in a gallon and a half of vegetable oil that they had knocked down in the process of climbing the pantry shelves. They hadn't been this happy all day so I decided to let them enjoy this one-time endeavor for a moment while my brain tried to catch up with the endless oil overflowing into all areas of my kitchen and laundry room.
There was major clean up duty ahead of me but, first thing was first, I had to get the boys out of the kitchen. This was an incredibly dangerous task. I was hoping to get lucky and not have to step in the oil to reach the boys. But, of course, as soon as I reached or gestured for the boys to come to me, they would either slip and nearly fall themselves or playfully roll away. This was my first time wrestling in oil, but I was determined to get them into the bath! I managed to wrangle 45+lbs of babies just as slippery as the floor without any of us ending up in the ER.
The boys were clean after three rounds of shampoo and body wash. I decided to confine them to the hallway while I started mopping up the oil. I got all of the oil wiped up from under my dryer and went back to the hallway to check on the boys. It was too quiet. Sure enough, Liam was standing on my office chair while culprit #2, Jeremiah, was at the bottom spinning the chair in circles. My anger and frustration turned into hopeless hysteria as I watched Liam climb onto my printer and disassemble it, while Jeremiah opened my unlocked filing cabinet, pulling out every single folder, throwing the contents inside up in the air. As I watched the paper rain to the floor, tears streamed down my face. My house and everything in it was being destroyed.
It was at this moment that Ryan walked in on this chaos. All I did was point at them. Ryan knew what that meant, he didn't even ask. It was their bed time and I didn't want to see them for the rest of the night. Smart man!
Two hours, two rolls of paper towels, and a gallon of soapy water later we got the kitchen floor cleaned and scrubbed. On the bright side, my kitchen floor hasn't been this spotless in months. I didn't tell Ryan specifics about what happened today although, I'm sure it was quite obvious. We silently straightened any mess we came across the rest of the evening. Stories of this magnitude just aren't funny until at least 48 hours later.
The thing that amuses me the most about today's turn of events is that I was replaying the conversation Ryan and I had two nights ago about the possibility of wanting another child. We concluded that conversation undecided. God sure has a sense of humor. All I have left to say is days like this are the most effective form of birth control.
Copyright 2013 ->Renee Sunberg
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