Trula Frances-a family loss

Trula Frances (Mineer) Thompson

"A good and faithful servant."

10/26/28-08/29/14

I watched my sweet Grandma Thompson breathe her last breath here on earth this evening. I received a text from my dad explaining there wasn't much time left. Both the boys are sick and Ryan was at his parents watching the CSU/CU football game. I wasn't going to go to the nursing home initially because of the logistics. But as I sat on the couch after I heard this news, I remembered how much I loved spending one-on-one time with Grandma. Those moments were rare, but they were special. My dad's parents never knew how to love or invest in us the way we wanted or needed, but my Grandma put forth much effort to love and invest in me individually. Even though she didn't remember me for many years, she had more depth than I gave her credit for at times. I couldn't sit at home in good conscience while she passed, so I dropped the boys with Ryan and his family so I could pay my last respects. I needed to go out of my way for her like she did for me. I got there ten minutes before the Lord called her into His presence. I'm thankful she hung on. I'm thankful I got to see her one more time.

We knew this was coming for about a week, and I couldn't stop thinking about my Grandpa. His spouse had lost her mind to Alzheimer's disease. I'm losing my spouse to a brain tumor. As we are just now entering into this suffering, Grandma suffered from this disease for fifteen years and Grandpa was always there by her side, even when she couldn't recognize him or say his name. He got frustrated with her. He sometimes talked down to her. He sarcastically prodded at her. But he loved her deeply, even if he didn't know how to express it in a way we could understand. The whole week prior to my Grandma's passing, I prayed for the Lord to soften and ready Grandpa's heart.

As I walked into their room, I was touched to see Grandpa was right there by Grandma's side. She was unresponsive, hardly breathing, but she was peaceful. Minutes passed and she shed her earthly clothes to be with Jesus. Grandpa gave her one last kiss on her forehead as she took her last breath. It was perfect and calm. She was restored and that made me smile inside, but seeing my Grandpa so broken undid me. Those last moments of physical closure are so hard. Because her mind has been gone so long, all he had left to grasp was her physical presence. He held both her hands. He stroked his fingers through her hair. He was remembering her through the touch of his hands. I had never seen him so soft and affectionate. My Grandpa has been a hard man for many years and, for once, I felt like I knew him on a more intimate level. I was grateful to be there and I know the Lord was the one urging me to get off that couch and face this difficult loss head on. In this loss has come great gain.

The boys bedtime came around and it was time for me to leave. I said my goodbyes and picked up the boys to take them home. As we were loading them in the car, I whispered and asked Ryan to come home. He chose to stay and finish the football game with his family instead, despite even the boys pleas. He doesn't get to spend a lot of time with his family, so I let it go. You may find this strange, but I can assure you that I share this to make a point, not to cast him or his family in a bad light. They knew it was odd that Ryan didn't come home. I asked Ryan to return, but I got the tumor's response. This happens all too often.

In past posts, I've mentioned my anxiety becoming a very limiting force and an instigator of fear. The past two months I've been especially afraid of how and when God will call Ryan home. That anxiety hindered my ability to be present. God broke through that flight instinct tonight. He called me to my Grandma's side. He called me to closure. He called me to face the pain of death. When I walked into her room, I didn't have anxiety or fear. I had peace. I could feel His presence and it was gentle. Just like God gave me a taste of single parenting in Missouri this summer, He has lovingly lead me through a family loss. He knew this grief would be necessary for me to walk through right here, right now.

So here I am, missing and rejoicing for my Grandma at once. Hurting for my Grandpa and my dad. And deeply missing my husband. I'm realizing there is a reason I'm sitting on this couch alone, grieving this loss.

Each time I look to my husband to fulfill a basic need, I'm reminded every time that he simply can't, through no fault of his own. In this, the Lord calls me into His arms. When Ryan can't console me, God fulfills that need. There will come a day when I will be sitting here alone again, facing the emptiness of this house. Ryan won't be there to console me then either, but the Lord will be the same then as He is now. When Ryan doesn't walk around the corner anymore, I have an eternal companion that will carry me to the other side of this pain. There is a deep purpose in this loss and His hand is orchestrating each and every part. The call on Ryan's life is feeling stronger and I'm finally at peace with that.

In closing, I would like to share some of my favorite stories about Grandma.

• My Grandma was one of eleven children. She learned to live on very little.

• She was a missionary nurse in Northern Rhodesia, Africa (modern day Zambia) for six and a half consecutive years. That part of the country specifically, was in huge unrest resisting government and European colonization. Rebels were killing anyone who associated with or was sent by the government. It was a very dangerous time to be a foreigner. She took a great risk to obey God's calling on her life. During her service there she solely amputated limbs, reset broken bones, stitched lacerations, pulled teeth, and delivered over 350 babies, some of which were twins, even a set of triplets. I can only imagine what she saw and what she had to make due with as a result of such limited resources.

• At one time during her service in Africa, there was a twelve foot python that entered into the village and killed several small children that wandered off. My grandma was driving a supply jeep down a narrow dirt road with two other male escorts in the vehicle with her. She stopped to find this twelve foot long python alive, draped across the road. The two escorts in the car urged her to turn around. Instead, she got out of the truck, grabbed a garden hoe out of the trunk, and obliterated this massive snake...all five foot and two inches of' her. My mom asked her once why she didn't just turn back. My grandma said, "That snake was eating MY babies! I delivered them into this world and that snake won't be here to take them out anymore." Needless to say, it was personal for her. This story is a great reflection of her willingness to put herself in harms way to protect what she loved. And my Grandma always LOVED and ADORED children.

• My Grandma and Grandpa met after my Grandma had to leave Africa. She got a job as a nurse at a hospital in Indianapolis. My Grandpa's brother Carl was very ill and dying of lung cancer at the hospital, and Grandma happened to be the nurse caring for him. She would clock out of her shifts at 11:30 p.m. and would stay to read the Bible to Carl. She took special care of him. Carl was eventually released from the hospital and invited Grandma to meet his wife, children, and family. At the time, Carl couldn't drive and Grandma didn't have a car. My Grandpa was the chaperon that drove Grandma to meet the family. Six months later they married! Carl was going to be the best man, but passed away just four weeks before the wedding. Grandma sharing Jesus with Carl brought her and my Grandpa together.
• My dad specifically recalls my Grandma buying him and his siblings used clothes up until middle school. In Africa, my Grandma relied on "care packages" sent from abroad for basic needs. These care packages mostly consisted of rags and clothes with holes in them. She bought used clothes for her family and brand new clothes to send in "care packages" to missionaries. She made sure they had what she didn't. Her life was composed of choices to relinquish her own comfort to further live in the service of Christ and in the service of others.

Copyright 2014 ->Renee Sunberg