Mommyhood Unrefined

Once upon a mountaintop, three trees dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. "I want to hold treasure," the first tree said. "I will be the most beautiful treasure chest in the whole world!" "I want to be a strong sailing ship," the second tree said. "I will be the strongest ship in the world!" "I don't want to leave this mountaintop at all," the third tree said. "I want to grow so tall that when people look at me they will raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world!" One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. With a swoop of the first man's axe, the first tree fell. With a swish of the second man's axe, the second tree fell. With a slash of the third man's axe, the third tree fell. The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought him to a carpenter's shop, but the busy carpenter was not thinking about treasure chests. Instead his work-worn

I've been telling myself since this all hit the fan, that the Lord will equip me for each new realization as it comes. New sobering realities of our limitations surface each day. This brings both of us to a new level of surrendered each time. Today was one of those days. Ryan had two absent seizures at church today. When he comes out of them, he loses his train of thought and gets very angry and verbally abusive. It was in front of the pastor's wife. It was in front of our sons. My heart broke in service singing a hymn. The name escapes me, but the gist of it was longing to be home with our Lord. It occurred to me in perfect clarity that, until Ryan meets Jesus, these anger outbursts will continue. This is something that has been going on a long time in our marriage. It's ripped us apart. Now that we both have an explanation, I am thankful it's not a character flaw in him. Regardless of that relief, how on earth am I going to continue to deal with this heartbreak on

Sunday marked two weeks since the seizure and I haven't had the gumption to come home until today. I can hardly face our house, the bathroom, our bedroom. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and the boys are still having night terrors. Nonetheless, today was the day we needed to come home, especially now that we've all fully recovered from the stomach flu. My mom came with me to help unpack and get all of us settled before Ryan got home from work. We had started on a large painting and popcorn ceiling removal project in our guestroom before Ryan's event happened. We left the room in pieces. A couple from our church completed our project and painted and re-textured the ceiling for us while we were gone. They also had straightened the whole house. Everything looked different than the way we left it, which was surprisingly exactly what I needed. I started unloading food into our fridge and my eyes locked onto our "To do list" on the whiteboard. Ryan's list

Something has come to rock our lives in a big way. Unfortunately, this is not happy news by any means. I will attempt to foreshadow what our life was like before twins. Here is t he beginning. Ryan, my husband, was 17 when he suffered a concussion playing football with friends 8 years ago. This concussion led to the discovery of a tumor on the frontal right lobe of Ryan's brain. This tumor is called an oligodendroglioma. No one knows when this tumor started to grow, likely in adolescence, but it was by God's grace it was found. None of us would have known it's existence otherwise. Ryan did not have any obvious side effects and continued with routine MRI follow ups. Unfortunately, the tumor started to grow after we got engaged in 2009. The growth led to the need for brain surgery. His first brain surgery took place in January of 2010, six months before we said "I do." Not all of the tumor was removed. That brings us to now. I've been very lighthearted in my pr

Now that the boys are in the "terrible two's" stage, I'm witnessing unnecessarily, colossal tantrums over the pettiest things. The gap in communication is massive. As much as it all doesn't make sense to me, in their little world, it's enough to send them into a rage of frustration. There are times when I have to keep from laughing and other times where I look at the entire situation unfold in shock and amazement. They are fragile little beings emotionally at this age...and that lovely sin nature is coming out. Here are some fits I've seen so far... Their sippy cups weren't the color they wanted. I didn't hand them the right tooth brush. I wouldn't let him light the candle. The magnet wouldn't stick to the fridge. I wouldn't let them bring a coloring book in the bathtub. I put the keys back on my computer keyboard. We turned all the fans off in the house. The chair wouldn't move when it hit a solid surface. I didn't g

I suppose it's Liam's week to wreak havoc on the house. For starters, both boys have learned a fabulous talent that requires impressive amounts of dexterity for their age. That talent is self-diaper removal. If I forget to put shorts on them for bed time or nap time, I prayerfully open their door hoping their room won't look like an animal exhibit at the zoo. Fortunately up to date, they have only used this talent when their diapers were full of #1. Last Friday, the streak ended...or should I say began? During my lunch break at work I called to ask my mom how the boys were behaving. She proceeded to tell me that she made my famous rookie mistake and put them down for their nap without shorts or onesies on because it was a hot day. Liam was fussing so she went to get him so he didn't wake his brother. When she described what she walked in on I felt terrible, but also more amused than I would have been if it was me. No matter, the story continues. She peeked open the

Ryan and I have been married for 3 years today and, this must sound terrible, but it feels like we've been together for an eternity. I truly mean that in the best way possible. When I think about the present, life doesn't seem too incredibly different. It’s when I look back that I see everything has changed. It’s quite inside out and upside down. Friends, social circles, circumstances; nothing is the same. Those of you that have witnessed what has occurred the past 5 years Ryan and I have been together can fully comprehend and understand that processing the changes that have taken place in our lives is so overwhelming and tedious at times that I put them on a shelf for a little while. The credit goes to God that we have made it through just fine and in mentally stable condition. It’s when the boys are sleeping and I’m by myself with me and all of my thoughts, when these changes actually have a chance to resonate and “catch up” with me.  When these moments hit, they hit har

Well, all went as planned for our closing today and we are officially first-time home owners! The hard work starts the second I have the keys, and will continue for a week if all goes as planned. We will see how much me and all the help can get done while Ryan is at work and I have 2 toddlers on my hands. Moving date is tentatively set for this next coming weekend. And yes...that garage door is getting fixed.

Today was an incredibly fast paced and high strung day at work. Then to find my title insurance company needs documents, that we can't access, by the end of the day, chancing a possibility of losing the house that me and my husband close on next week. I didn't have a breather all day and was looking forward to a quiet lunch break. Now it was going to be spent making phone calls...fabulous. My mom met me at work with the boys to get some lunch. The second we sat down at a table to eat, the boys weren't having any part of their stroller for another second. My mistake started with getting them out and sitting them next to me on the bench. I don't know why I expected to actually get to eat a warm meal for the first time in 15 months. They went from sweet and curious to the ransackery twins in literally an instant. The table turned into a hurdle to crawl across and climb. Jeremiah stuck his tongue out and started licking the window side to side, not to mention that he di

Me and my husband Ryan had a moment of composing genius this afternoon as we were getting ready to put the boys down for their nap. We read this off to them as we walked down the hallway to their bedroom, all because there is no roll over plan for the naps they refuse. Here it goes... Slumber Rights Liam and Jeremiah, it's your nap time and you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, yell, or scream can and will be held against you under the authority of Mommy and Daddy's household. You have the right to a nap time. If you cannot defend this right, we will appoint ourselves to defend it for you. Copyright 2013 ->Renee Sunberg

In dedication to all the Star Wars nerds out there...including my husband. We all know Harrison Ford made those movies. Enjoy! Is it ridiculous that I've known this by heart since high school?

Do you ever have those moments where time holds still? Where your current train of thought is gone and you're suddenly stopped in your tracks? These moments last just long enough to absorb the effect of passing time and change. They bring on this beautiful escape from reality. I do everything within my power to hold on to that moment, to grasp it. But they leave me just as quick as they come, seconds maybe. Then that specific experience is gone. Even though they're gone, they have monumental impacts just in those few seconds, enough to permanently imprint my psyche. All that aside, I have had many of these moments, but I've noticed that you have many more when children are in the picture. I had one today. Back within the first few weeks of the boys being born, I was obviously incredibly emotional from all of the hormones getting back to normal. And by normal, I mean more out of control than ever.  I was cradling both my boys to sleep seeing how much they had already

I'm sure every other mother on the planet knows what I mean when I say that I've never been so frustrated with my children to the point where pulling out my hair seemed like the mild thing to do. Today was one of those days where the boys pushed every single one of my buttons. In this case, I wish they had pushed the auto eject button! On the inside waiting to burst, I felt like the Beast yelling at Belle after she meandered her way into the west wing. The unforgettable "GEEET OOOUT!!!" that sends shivers down your spine. Yes, I just used a Disney analogy. I should let you know that I have climbers and we currently live in an apartment. Not a good combination. Whatever they can't explore down on the floor, they simply move up. Pictures on the wall aren't safe. Papers on counters will be chewed up and spit out. Light switches will be used for twin Morse code. Blind cords will be swung from. Unlocked drawers will be used as stairs. Lamps will no longer hav

The boys had their big 1st birthday party this weekend and I thought I would post a few pictures! Happy birthday to my little buckaroos! Copyright 2013 ->Renee Sunberg

I knew this day would come with two rough and tumble boys, I was just hoping it wouldn't happen as soon as it did. Tonight we made our first trip to the ER with Jeremiah. He had to have one of his upper front teeth extracted. I am a dental assistant and have quite a bit of experience in this department. I don't know if it helped or just increased my panic. Ryan and I were folding the mountainous pile of laundry on our bed while the boys played on the floor. Last I saw was Jeremiah standing by our bedroom door. Next, I heard him fall, a moment of paused silence, then frantic crying. Ryan was able to get to him before I did. My first reaction was just to brush it off. He just fell and is being dramatic. Next I hear Ryan say, "Uh...Renee! He has blood ALL over him!" I ran over and there was indeed blood all over his mouth. My initial thought was that he bit his tongue or cheek, but upon further inspection I could see his front tooth hanging by the gingival tissue. I

As of right now (5:20 p.m.) the two most beautiful blessings came into our lives a year ago. These two have turned our world upside down and I can't fathom life without my precious boys. There have been so many happy, terrifying, hilarious, frustrating moments that I wouldn't trade for anything else. They have taught us more than we have probably taught them. Happy 1st birthday to the joys of my life, Liam & Jeremiah! We are blessed beyond measure! Love you two buckaroos! Copyright 2013 ->Renee Sunberg

To start this off, we are in Dana Point, California for a long weekend to see my best friend get married. We had only traveled by plane with the boys, but plane tickets for this trip were just too much. So me, my husband, my boys, and my parents decided to drive together. I was pretty excited that it would be the boys' first road trip. I knew the complications that could arise with two active (almost) one year olds, but I wasn't going to let that get me down. I had NO freaking clue what was about to unfold. We decided to spread this trip out over 2 days, drive through western Colorado, spend the night, then drive the rest of the way on the second day. The first day was only 6 hours of driving in the evening. The boys slept pretty much the whole time. The second day is when things got colorful, an 11 hour trip turned into 16 hours just to give you and idea.  We were on the very tail end of the trip. We had just driven through the last winding canyon until our destination

Three years ago today I watched in amazement as Ryan, my husband,  powered through his brain surgery six months before we said "I do." Despite all the behind-the-scene chaos and the long, emotional road to recovery, today I'm proud that he is my husband, a wonderful father to our sons, and a selfless servant to our family. He has transitioned through so much change in our lives with endurance. God is good. I love you, Ry. Copyright 2013 ->Renee Sunberg

The Broncos lost their playoff game. All hopes of a Superbowl win are now crushed. Through all the embarrassing seasons and even more embarrassing coaches (yes, I'm referring to Josh McDaniels), everyone knows that, if you live in Colorado, you love the Broncos. It's kind of a package deal.  Now that that is off my chest, after the game me and Ryan were taking a little walk down memory lane and were trying to remember all the Bible nursery rhymes that we grew up with as kids. Some we could completely sing by heart. There were others that took some jogging of the memory.  For example I couldn't remember "Put your hand in the hand." I don't know if any of you can, but the only version I could remember was my dad's special "revised" version to keep us from touching the fan when me or my brothers were sleeping on the top bunk growing up.  The original lyrics look like this: Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water Put