Mommyhood Unrefined

The past seven months we have taken on the daunting task of helping move my parents out of my childhood home. Sorting through each box and drawer has been equally beautiful as it has been difficult. Nonetheless, it has inspired me and Ryan to thoroughly sort through our own home. Over the past six years we have accumulated more medical paperwork than I have the stomach for but, with a working shredder, we finally tackled it. All in all, we ended with eleven bags of shredded documentation. Eleven bags of mail that I didn't want to open when it arrived. I reread every word, each written proof of the mountains we have journeyed together as a family. It was strangely emotional seeing it all in such a massive pile. God's grace found us in every sigh of relief and in every tear cried over those pages. Getting it out of our home had all the hallmarks of closing a chapter of our life and declaring a victory over each of those mountains. Something else we found in all those papers w

"God has called me to courage, and that has not at all looked like what I thought. I thought it meant fighting harder upstream. Unfortunately, that path has lead me to deeper failure.  Courage has actually been taking the plunge to let go and submit my "normal" filter in exchange for an eternal one.  Courage has been taking the next step into the dark when every fiber in me is crying to turn around.  Courage has been choosing to float down the river of His raging grace, leaving my personal goals and dreams behind hoping that said grace would be enough to survive.  Courage has been admitting my limits, choosing what I have energy for, and realizing that the globe will still spin in spite of whatever my 100% measures up to that day.  Courage has been allowing others to stand in the gap and intercede for us when all I wanted was to cling to some shred of self sufficiency.  Courage has been sowing seeds of His peace and grace when all I want is to be a pud