Mommyhood Unrefined

As mentioned in my last post, due to concerns with many of Ryan's most recent symptoms, our usual 3 month follow up with his doctor was bumped up to this month. We had the MRI and the appointment yesterday. It was a very long, 12 hour day in Aurora. Here is the update: The doctor determined that many cognitive problems, addictive behavior, impulsive/deceptive behavior, and excessive lethargy that Ryan is increasingly struggling with is something called dopamine dysregulation syndrome. At the very least, because of Ryan's two resection cavities, the dopamine receptors are impaired and/or disrupted. The doctor has prescribed a new medication to help regulate the dopamine levels as much as we can until we learn more. Like us, the doctor is concerned that all these symptoms are coming to a head, and we're not seeing anything indicative on MRI scans. To remedy this, she has ordered another type of MRI to map his dopamine receptors to help determine the extent of dam

I'm probably one of the few out there that actually enjoys airplane rides for travel every so often, but only when I have some bank to break of course. I admit I get a little bit giddy when I get my requested window seat by the wing of the plane. It makes riding inside a stale, noisy, pressurized tube a bit more pleasurable. That midair view never ceases to strike me with childlike awe. Tilting, lifting, and watching everything below me shrink. The hustle and bustle of mundane life below eventually disappears and, despite traveling hundreds of miles per hour, everything inside me decelerates.  "I'm so small up here floating in His creation! I'm so small down there in my day to day living. What a big God I have! All this beauty, yet all He wants is my heart." The highlight is the ascent; breaking through the fog of the clouds into endless blue. Up there, there is no place the sun doesn't touch. There is no barrier to what my eyes can see. It's perfectly