Mommyhood Unrefined

"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make known the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8 One of the strangest things about submitting the details of your life to Christ is the state of limbo you live in. We hand over consents, sign the forms, pay the cost, and wait. Thankfully, God is much more gracious and much more personal in this process. Sometimes in the wait, we're in hopeful anticipation or just anxious for the fog to clear. Sometimes we happily welcome distractions from the reality we live in, or seek after a life we perceive as a bit more normal, something that is easier to swallow. Other times, we sit outside ourselves amazed that this is the race we're running and have been running for almost ten years. We have dreams, but this cancer keeps our feet on the ground. The harder it gets, the more buried I feel. And I'm not just talking about the bills and the full voicemail

"If you then have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your​ minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3 Parenthood, fitness, cooking, housekeeping, etc. tends to have a nice sheen on it. Even cancer has the band aid slogan "SURVIVOR" to serve as a comfort that coddles those from the outside looking in. It's in our faces EVERYWHERE we go! Magazines, news, billboards, TV, advertisement​s, Pinterest, and in social media as a whole. When you get down to the brass tacks, it's a display of denial and big, ugly pride. I know for myself this is a road that leads to destruction. I have an appreciation for people that are genuine and transparent about what has been obvious since creation: life is hard and messy. I think a positive message we gain from that honesty is that we're not in

Have you ever forced something to take a certain course in your life? I have many times. You would probably agree with me that it rarely turns out how you envisioned, and you usually end up with a tangled mess instead. The cost of my unbelief that God will indeed work on my behalf comes at a high price. When I make these poorly thought through decisions, it's pretty common that other relationships and circumstances in my life are already in a less than desirable state, i.e., out of control, chaotic, or just numbingly stagnant. Relational strife undoes me and when something undoes me, I can rarely think of anything else outside of that situation. It is all consuming. "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice." James 3:16  I've seen many examples of this same struggle all over the bible. There were many women that sought the eternal benefits of God's purpose, and several that chose the disorder of